Merry Deadmas & Zombie New Year!

Merry Deadmas & Zombie New Year!

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the hot zone

Not a zombie was stirring; no rotted flesh nor broken bone.

Our defenses were prepared with zombies in mind

If the undead show up we won’t be kind.


The dog was settled all snug on his bed

With visions of Greenies dancing in his head.

I with my machete and my wife with her axe

Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap


Out on the lawn there arose such a clatter

I feared zombies were after my grey matter

I went to the window and peered through the glass

While the wife stood watch to cover my ass


The moon on the breast of new fallen snow

Showed St. Nick in his sleigh, a hoard of zombies in tow

We knew right away that Santa was in trouble

So we activated our zombie defense plan on the double


We signaled ol’ Rudolph to head our way

while Santa was shooting from his seat on the sleigh

More rapid than eagles the zombies they came

All of them people St. Nick knew by name


”Johnny and Sally and Billy and Tom!

Eating people’s brains is naughty and wrong!

You’ll get no presents, not even the coal

Instead in your heads I’ll just leave a hole!”


The dry skinned zombies disliked this news.

Not eating brains conflicts with their views

While Rudolph and the reindeer landed the sleigh

We shouted to Santa “Help is on the way!”


My wife grabbed a crossbow just like Darryl Dixon

And felled a zombie that almost got Vixen

Machete in my left hand and hatchet in my right

I began ganking every zombie in sight


With the wife and I holding back the undead

Santa took his bag from the back of the sled

He leaped down the chimney to drop off the gifts

While we had plenty of zombie asses to kick


My wife was gleeful firing her bow

And watching the zombies pile up on the snow

The gifts delivered, St. Nick soon came back

Looking like a ninja with a sword on his back


Lithe as a gymnast St. Nick hopped around

Dozens of zombies falling to the ground

Just as we were feeling proud of ourselves

Arriving on parachutes came an army of elves


They finished off the zombies in very short order

Not a walker remained from border to border

The elves went to work to clean up the mess

They worked hard to keep this battle from the press


The reindeer were safe, the presents secure

We were relieved, of that you can be sure

As Santa got settled in his seat in the sleigh

We were glad that he was about to get underway


He pulled on the reins, getting ready to go

The elves were finished laying down clean snow

Santa addressed us before launching his sleigh

“Merry Christmas to you, and have a zombie free day!!”

Did you like this post? Don't let your friends be Zed bait and share it with them!
Post a Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *